Checking In...

*Cue some really dope 90s music for the flashback we’re all about to have*


We all remember the days when you and your best friend were inseparable. You would plan your outfits for the first day of school and even talk about what you’d do for that weekend. High school days, you and your friend(s) would probably gossip or talk about who you’re dating. Then college, man, all we probably talked about was going out, where we were meeting on breaks, what we were wearing to tailgate, and even how much we hated our professors. The biggest common denominator of all those conversations were the days we’d spend talking on the phone and saying words like, “man, I can’t wait until i’m grown!”

Little did we know that once you’re grown, you no longer have time to just sit on the phone and talk about what you want to do because you’re so busy trying to keep up with what’s going on right now in your own life. The conversations went from I want to, to I am trying to and have even started happening less and less now. Why?

I have seen a lot of friendships come and go because of actual drama in the relationship. Unfortunately, I have also seen friendships go because they became one-sided. Meaning that, the conversations would not happen unless it was about drama or something negative was happening in their life. What was absent from those conversations was the simple question, “How are you?”

You see. As a twenty-four year old, my life has gotten busier because I am working towards my career goals. I am also getting myself together emotionally, spiritually, and physically because I have been lacking in each of those areas. But through all of this self-care, the constant is those check-ups from my friends. I have the pleasure of having 5 best-friends who are all different and bring different things to the table. Their many roles in my life, I can’t even begin to name, but here’s how they make me better: Cy-Keeps me leveled and on balance with everything, Te-Reminds me to always be strong and not to dwell on things I have no control over, Tr- gives me peace and reminds me to always be kind, Ta-keeps me honest with myself and snaps me back into reality, and Ki-always keeps me humble and a reminder to always speak my mind.

But the catch is, we’re not best friends because we speak everyday, hell, we don’t even see each other often because we all live in different states, but the constant is, we check in. We can be strong for the outside world, but when one asks the questions, “How are you?” We can be open and put that wall down.

So, I said all of this to say: Don’t measure your friendships on how often you communicate or see one another. Once you’re in the “real world” you deal with real obstacles. Everyone is fighting their own battle and being concerned at how much you’ve talked to someone, should not be another bill added to your list and if you're that “friend” that adds that stress, check yourself or you’ll be removed from that friendship.

Be supportive and don’t forget to check in.