Forgive But...


I speak on friendships and relationships pretty much through my whole entire blog. As you probably can guess, like so many others, I have been through some pretty bad ones. Sometimes it was me to blame, sometimes it was the other parties but, in those moments, you’re really not focused on that, because you’re truly hurt. You’d never think in a million years, that this person who you consider a friend or family, would ever hurt you in certain ways. But, pride won’t allow you to think clearly, so you end those relationships.

As you begin to grow, you start to realize that some things were not even worth the time and arguments and fights could have been avoided. It can take you months, it could even take you years to forgive someone but for your peace and your sanity, you have to let go of the hurt. Forgive that person, so you can continue to grow.

So, why am I saying all of this? I was scrolling down my Instagram and a friend posted this quote on her page: “you don’t have to rebuild a relationship with everyone you have forgiven. Just because you’re at peace, does not mean they aren’t still toxic.” The quote is self explanatory so I won’t break down every piece.

You should note that, just because you have grown and they may have grown, does not mean some of those tendencies aren’t still there. Also, doesn’t mean they are still there. It is strictly up to you, whether you decide to let this person back into your life. I know from experiencing a tough friendship “breakup” that we grow, things are misunderstood, and as my dad says,”adversity can sometimes brings you closer.”  I got lucky enough to rebuild a relationship from a misunderstanding and now I don’t know how I’m even functioning without her being with me everyday. We grew, we learned from it, we realized we were better with each other being in our lives!

On the other hand, I’ve dealt with friendships ending that I’ve had for a long time. Do I forgive them/ they forgive me? For sure! But we realized that we don’t need to rekindle a friendship. And that’s okay ! You still learn from these things! A mutual understanding, a nod, a smile, or a check-in every blue moon isn’t a bad thing.

You don’t have to be mean and “not speak” to people when you see them just because you are no longer friends. That just means you’re still holding onto what happened or you’re being prideful. That’s not living ! Say congratulations if something major is happening in their lives, send your condolences when something bad happens because you once cared deeply for this person.

This is something I am still learning, so don’t think all my friendships and past friendships are perfect. But I’m still growing. Progress, not perfection !