When To Back Off...


So, remember those expectations we talked about previously (Solid Foundations, Communication, and Setting Expectations...)?  How, you should state what you want from a relationship, whether it be flowers, dating, or random gestures from your boo? Well, the stating what you want part is awesome! Good job for making it clear what you expect from that person. But what if you’re doing all of the work and it’s not being reciprocated? What do you do?

You make think I’m going to simply say, "just back off", and I am not going to that extreme just yet. I believe in fighting for what you want and call me “old school” if you’d please, but I actually like sitting down and having a conversation about things that don’t sit right with me. It’s very rare nowadays because we’re in a generation of texting and talking over the phone. But you should definitely, first and foremost, assume positive intent on that persons behalf, go into it knowing you may not hear what you want, and be willing to listen and understand that person. 

Now, unfortunately, sometimes things only change for maybe a few days, few weeks, or even a few months, then they go back to not doing those things that make you happy in that relationship. Keep in mind, I’m not just speaking about materialistic things, I’m speaking about not being there emotionally for you, ignoring you, neglecting you, not taking you out, not even saying good morning; basically the little things that keep you happy, are not being given AFTER you’ve had conversations about it. Then and only then, I believe, you should back off. What I mean by that is, not to play a game and intentionally ignore the person, be mean, nothing like that. I’m meaning, begin to focus on your happiness and what makes you happy, alone. Because unfortunately, you may have to leave that situation for it is no longer making you happy. Backing off may also mean, letting that person know that you may need to take a break from the situation because you need to reevaluate your role in it.

Lastly, backing off may simply look like, you having to let that person know what it feels to be without you. If you’re at the point of feeling unappreciated and that your happiness does not matter to them, no matter how hard you’ve tried, leave it be. They’ll realize how it feels when you’re love leaves the room. But understand me: your happiness is YOUR happiness. Only you will know what can make you happy. So if someone asks you what those things are that make you happy and it’s “too much” for them to reciprocate, then somebody who really cares for you, will. You’re never asking too much of someone who really, genuinely cares for you.