Whether in real life or in movies, I've always heard something along the lines of , “no matter what you do, don’t get so wrapped up in someone else that you lose yourself.” It took me a second to figure out what exactly that meant, because it’s not something you understand until you begin to notice it in other people and unfortunately, in yourself. While, you can lose yourself in your career or even in your friendships, I tend to see it and have experienced it more in relationships.
But what do you do when you begin to not recognize yourself and your actions? You realize you’re lost because you gave so much of yourself to a relationship (or situationship).
I think it’s a terrible reality to see, especially when you’re so in love that you’ll do anything, and I mean anything, to see that person happy and thriving. The support you give is second to none and you still find yourself fighting for their attention, love, affection, and time so, you’d drop everything you’re doing for them, just to make sure they are happy.
All of this sucks right? You’re so supportive of this person, you forget to “feed” yourself, you forget to do things you love to do, and you forget what made you happy outside of that person. I’ve watched myself and others, in the past, stop doing certain things, like going out, hanging out, or talking to friends, as much, when deciding to date and get back into relationships. It’s not because we did not enjoy doing those things, or being with those people, although I still hate going out (I blame college lol) but because we started to believe that changing those things would make us look more appealing, or different, to this person. But what’s more different today than being yourself? We live in a day where everyone is altering everything they do to “fit in” with people who don’t even care about them.
So, it’s on you! You are responsible for your own happiness and continuing to practice those things that make you happy. Yes, this person makes you happy but you’re pouring all of yourself into them and there is no balance. It is definitely possible to take care of yourself and still love, support, and cherish that person. Genuine people love other genuine people. There’s no need to change who you are and forget yourself to please someone else. You don’t live your life to please others, you live your life to constantly find yourself and make sure you are happy. Everything else will fall into place and people you love will always be there to remind you who you are when you start to forget.
Remember, you cannot genuinely do those things for them if you’re forgetting to do them for yourself, in the meantime. I am in no way encouraging you to be selfish and only focus on yourself all of the time because in relationships, we have to be mindful of our significant others. I am, however, saying to be mindful of yourself and what you need too. Have a good balance.